My wife and I welcomed our daughter into the world on 17 August. I’ve since learned a few things:

  • Watching TV shows in 10-minute stints is difficult. What is a movie?
  • Reheated coffee is not for me ☕️
  • All old people think it’s OK to touch my kid. Hands off, Margaret
  • I’m actually sleeping more (exhaustion really helps combat that pesky insomnia)
  • I take way more photos than I ever thought I would 📷
  • Alarm clock, meet bin
  • Nappies. Lots of Nappies.
  • Please stop making that noise
  • Oh god please make some sort of noise 😱
  • Single parents are super-human. Twins? No thanks.
  • 2 weeks statutory paternity leave is a disgrace (I got 4, it wasn’t enough)
  • My wife is my hero (this isn’t new, just worth repeating)
  • I. Must. Clean. Everything.
  • Can you smell poop? 💩
  • Time flies. Unless she’s screaming.
  • I still think about that first smile
  • Oh hello wife how have you been?
  • I am now skilled enough to dress an octopus 🐙
  • I need a bigger the biggest car.
  • 5 minute shopping trip planned? better just write-off the afternoon
  • Hey other parent, wanna talk about poop and compare sleep schedules?
  • Do I have to go to work?
  • I know it’s 9pm but I should maybe go to work, you got this right?
  • That laugh 😭
  • is it gross if I leave the house wearing this?
  • Bath time is the best, post-bath time is armageddon
  • That’s a cute outfit! (who am I?)
  • Mary Poppins ain’t got shit on our nappy bag 👜
  • Noise cancelling headphones, get in my basket
  • Would you like a wet wipe? I have 17 thousand of them
  • Everything I thought mattered.. matters less
  • Shall we book a holida… nah that sounds too stressful
  • passes hand sanitizer 🤲